Prime Candidates
The following are paid political advertisements by the candidates for East Paulsbo Bakery Oversight Commissioner, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Cake Wrecks or its affiliates.
Friends, when you go to vote tomorrow, consider this: do you want someone loyal, trustworthy, and true overseeing your county bakeries?
"These glasses show I'm smart AND intelligent."Someone with a firm grip on his patriotism?
"They call me...Blue Steele."OR....do you want Gretchen Schankhausen?
[Pyscho music]Ernie Snerdbergler: "I'm Ernie Snerdbergler, and I speak for you, the American people. I stand against plastic flotsam and terrorism. Unlike my opponent, Gretchen Shankhoosier, who I hear speaks French.
So tomorrow, choose hope. Choose AMERICA. Choose...Ernie Snerdbergler.
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Gretchen Schankhausen believes all children should be happy on their birthdays. Not so with Ernie Snerdbergler, who, in case you haven't noticed, has "bergler" in his name.
Do you want a burglar in charge of your bakery oversight advisory boards? Of course you don't.
Gretchen Schankhausen is a life-long baker, community activist, and volunteer frog neuterer.
That shows how responsible Gretchen Schankhausen is. Gretchen Schankhausen cares.Tomorrow, vote for cake. Vote against robbery. Vote...for Gretchen Schankhausen.
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Gretchen Schankhauser loves devil's food.
Gretchen sound bite: "Oh, Devil's food is my favorite!"
Ernie Snerdbergler, however, loves children, decency, and the American way. Ernie Snerdbergler KNOWS America.
Just look at this video clip of Ernie Snerdbergler playing catch with children on a playground, surrounded by more children, who clearly adore him, and also kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. Clearly, he is the only *safe* choice for your county bakery commissioner.
This November, vote against the devil. Vote for kittens. Ernie Snerdbergler: 'cuz kids love him.
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A "bergler" is trying to steal Gretchen Schankhausen's good name. However, you should know that Gretchen Schankhausen is actually an angel in disguise.
Woodland creatures love Gretchen Schankhausen. Gretchen Schankhausen once healed a blind man by accidentally sneezing on him. Honest.
Plus, Ernie Snerdbergler eats babies for breakfast.
That's a fact.Note: the above statement has not been proven to be factual.
So tomorrow, if you ever want a disguised angel to sneeze on you, or if you don't want your babies eaten, then vote for Gretchen Schankhausen.
Kit, Kaitlin W., Caitlyn P., Shannon K., Bonnie, Allison, Aimee, & Sarah, just think: after tomorrow, no more campaigning!
Yep, I'll eat cake to that.
Categories:
Just Funny
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