professional cakes - cakes wrecks

In honor of all the summer weddings this month, I decided to sing a little song.

(With apologies to Nat King Cole.)
















Thanks to Christin S., Amanda C., Rachael H., Jessi T., Chelsea W., Chase C., Amy S., Angela I., & Susan C. for scaring all the brides-to-be out there.

Or, of course, there's always the old standby:

Thanks to Sandy S., Abbey A., Matthew W., Rachel C., Naomi H., & Jule Ann H., who are so syrupy sweet they should be on a stack of pancakes.


But I am not advocating cannibalism.

I didn't think it'd been that long since my wedding reception, but apparently I'm already behind the times. Used to be, folks just clinked their glasses any time they wanted the happy couple to kiss.




Thanks to Heather C. for finally finding a wedding wreck to rival "faith, hope, thrust."

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret* to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:










Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:






Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.


*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

*Update from john: Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Now, I'm all for sharing new words, broadening folks' horizons, furthering education, etc, but if you have to explain to the baker of your wedding cake what a monogram is - a "T, J, and H" put together, for example - then maybe, just maybe, a few alarm bells should go off.






Thanks to today's wedding wreckporters Anony M., Hilary R., Cyndi P., & Cyndee M., who think all bakers should be required to ask, "Can I quote you on that?"

Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.

So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.

Or misspell it, as the case may be.

Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press on the first tier, but then gave up and free-handed the rest. And how "forword" is misspelled. And that "for worse" is left off. Now note the spacing. And the colors. And the...oh, are you ready to move on?


I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?

I have to be honest: I've never really understood the whole wedding-cake-plastic-staircase thing. I mean, who first decided the wedding figurines might need to take a stroll down to one of the side cakes?

Then, after providing this thoughtful pathway, the decorators go and make it completely inaccessible!