professional cakes - cakes wrecks

Ay everybody! Giusseppe Sarducci here froma Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake located ina beautiful downtown Trenton. We specialize ina making da biggest, freakina cakes you ever dida see. An we gotta somatin new!

Looka dat!

Even da leetle Bambina, she knows! She'sa sayin, "Ay! Dasa one biga freakina cake! I mean looka dat! What isa dat, lika twenty-seven feet a cake?! Who needsa more cake dena dat?!?

Now you might be asking youself, "Isa ma cake gonna be so beautiful like the one ina da picture?" You know it!

Firs, we starta wita da cake which isa twelve eenchess high, ten eenchess wide ana twenty-seven feet long. Den, we squeeze rowa after row ofa brown "icing" ona top.


Denna, we take what we lika to call "dirt" ana we put dat ona top too!

Welcome to BisneyLand, the amusement park that's in no way affiliated with Disneyland, but is just as good - and cheaper, too!

Once you enter the gates of our mystical castle-land of joy, you'll be greeted by our lovely royal ladies:


Princess Areola and her pals Haddock, Skittle, and Captain Crabby Pants may prefer life "under the ocean," but they still enjoy singing their big musical numbers, "Check Out My Cool Stuff," and "I Can't Talk, So Let's Make Out!"


Kids young and old will love dancing with Snow Light and her seven short friends with beards:



And don't forget Pretty, our good-looking girl:


And of course her friend Not-So-Handsome!



Anony M., Allison M., Clau, David I., Amanda S., Mona S., & Kristyn, how crazy would it be if a place like this actually existed? Oh, wait...

Anyone who claims punctuation doesn't matter has clearly never read Eats, Shoots & Leaves.

Or seen any of these cakes.


Well, well, well, "Emily." (IF that's your REAL name.) Just what are we celebrating here, hmm? Perhaps a sham cover operation for impostor Hello Kitty cakes?


Parenthetically speaking, can we all please agree that parentheses really never belong on a cake?




You know what they say: "The only thing that conveys exuberance better than an ellipsis...





Of course, for the Wreckerators who aren't satisfied with traditional, "real" punctuation, there's always one of these options:





Nichole P., Lisa M., Luisa F., Rebekah, Millco, & Vanessa B., maybe we should all start using Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation while ordering:

Loyal Henchpersons, it has come to my attention that some of you are now concerned about ordering a cake. You feel there's no hope; that you're doomed to receiving a Wreck no matter what precautions you take. And for some strange reason, I feel a little responsible for this.

Well, good news, cake consumers: I'm here to restore your confidence! That's right: we're going to take a little field trip over to the local grocer's bakery. C'mon.

[pulling into parking lot] Aw, look! That must be the decorator's car! See, now that is an artist who takes his craft seriously.


Well, let's head into the store now, shall we?

[heading down main aisle]

Oooh, check it out! There's a sale on...er...wait. What does that say?


In fact, let's get over there; we have a cake to order!





Tell you what: I'll tell the nice employee here what we want, and you go grab some candles, ok? Meet you back here in five.


[five minutes later]


Oh, good, you found the candles! So...why don't you look happy?



Look, just to prove to you that everything is going to be alright, I got a copy of the order form the baker submitted for us. I'm sure once you look it over, all your concerns will be gone.







Well, Wreckies, I hope this little excursion has helped allay your fears of professional cake ordering. Now go forth, and order cakes!

And maybe bring your cameras. You know, just in case.


Tesha W., Cathy W., Amanda D., Noelle R., Maggie C., Morgan W., & Penske, I guess that order was such a royal pain that it blue right past the wreckerators and had them throne for a loop. So I guess we'll call it a "drawed."

Hola! Hello! I'm Dora! Soy Dora! Can you say Dora? Muy bueno! Will you join me on my cake adventure today? Soy un mucho kaka adventuroso el manana? Si! Vamos!


Oh no! Boots has escaped from my backpack and is lost in the woods! El sabatos escapada en la foresta. Will you help me find him?

...

Great! Let's put on our magic masks that will help us find Boots! El findos de monkey!


Perfecto! Can you say "serial killer?" голяма работа! Now we can see through the trees and find Boots! El seeya de fromage en ravioli!

Look! There he is! Vous les vous en la baguette, sil vous plait!

C'mon, Boots! Jump back into my backpack! We can continue our adventure! Donde esta el gato caliente gordita en la bicyclette!

Oh no! Boots got scared and ran further into the woods! We need to find him! Mondo monkey lookey lookey!

Hurry! Que mucha don Toyota Hyundai von Schmellingberg! Senor nacho libre des sombrero el Salma Hayek? Dos frijoles! Mucho grande!

Hey! There's Boots now! He's made it through the woods and is flying a plane back home! El esta makey no sense at allos! Let's catch a ride!


Thanks for the ride, Boots! It's great to have you back home. Willkommen to los hermana! We wouldn't have found you without the help from our viewers at home! Son tan estupidos!



Come back next week, mi amigos, when Boots and I go to night school! Soy en dos tres dental hygienists! Adios!

Por favor don esta el Tori, Lauren H., Rachel W., Kat D., Danielle B., e Dan H. Muy grande el biadorenos le trejamos via monkeytown! (As far as I know, "biadorenos le trejamos" translates into nothing at all... just to save you time on Google translate.)

Update!

John's helpful translation guide.
Hola- I'm pretty sure that means hello.
Backpack- That's a type of sack you wear over your shoulders.
Baguette- A type of bread.
Feliz cumpleaños- Merry Christmas.
Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas- No idea.

This was ordered for a school competition called the Academic Decathlon:



The following is a dramatization. The Wreck, however, is very real.




Two friends nicknamed Frizz and Kermit ask a baker to hold a blank cake for them while they finish their shopping. The baker agrees, and sticks a hold tag on the box.

What happened next? Only the Wrecker knows.



And finally, Anda ordered a couple of cakes for a birthday party. To keep it simple, she asked for the same inscription on both. Which is exactly what she got.

As you may recall, Threadless.com hosts an annual contest called Threadcakes where bakers replicate one of Threadless' shirt designs in cake form. Threadless shirts are super fun, and the participating decorators are always amazingly creative. The contest just wrapped this week, and since Jen is one of the judges again this year, I thought I'd share some of *my* favorite submissions.

(I'll post a photo of the shirt design first, followed by the cake entry.)

I'm in love with this design titled "Alice's Sewing Basket:"

And here's Melissa's phenomenal matching cake:


Here's one called "Firelight Cottage."
And Jennifer's cake:


This shirt is too cool: "Doc Franklin's Miracle Tonic"


But Neli's cake is even better:



Vina did an awesome job of bringing the design to life:



"Strange Birds" is one of my favourite designs on Threadless. Look at these colours!

Cora's cake based on the design is just as fun.:



But Georgia's cake really blew me away:


Sarah's cake is so beautifully painted...



"Sugar Land" is the perfect design to turn into a cake: