Santa's Little Inept Helper
[shop bell tinging]
"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to the problem?"
"I'll tell you what the problem is, my good man: I came in here yesterday to enlist your services in procuring my daughter's Christmas gifts. I even gave you her list:
"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to the problem?"
"I'll tell you what the problem is, my good man: I came in here yesterday to enlist your services in procuring my daughter's Christmas gifts. I even gave you her list:
"I should say so. Just look at this doll you sent over:
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"It appears to be made of tentacles."
"Those add texture."
"And you spilled your coffee on it."
"That was there before."
"I see. And what about this 'bike'?"
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"I stated very clearly that my daughter is six years old, and wanted a tricycle."
"Yeah, but it looks cool on the ketchup and mustard smears, dudn't it?"
"So I suppose you thought jamming an entire deck of playing cards into icing looked 'cool' as well, did you?"
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"What if I told you that wand magically cleans off all the icing?" [wink]
"Oh, does it?"
"No.
But it might."
"You just said it wouldn't."
"But it might."
[staring]
"Fine. Now, would you kindly explain this?"
"It's a dead dog."
"Puppies are dogs."
"But it is DECEASED."
"No, no, he's just resting!"
"Resting? RESTING?!?
"No, no, he's just resting!"
"Resting? RESTING?!?
****
Say, you ever get the feeling we've said this before?"
"Yeah. Yeah I do."
"Huh."
"Huh."
****
"You...uh... wanna grab a cup of coffee?"
"Ooh, let's!"
"Huh."
****
"You...uh... wanna grab a cup of coffee?"
"Ooh, let's!"
Thanks to Mindy S., doctorhj, Yael, Stephanie, & Laura K., who agree that dead puppies aren't much fun.
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