Oh My Stars!
As I'm sure you've all heard, there was a bit of a dust-up recently over whether or not our astrology signs have changed. Betrayal, bewilderment, boredom...there was a veritable gamut of emotions running wild.
Fortunately, CNN has since assured the world that my not being a Taurus is total bull. Whew! However, just for fun, let's take a look at these "new" signs and how they might have changed our lives forever.
Or...not.
Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Capricorns are known to be obedient and dedicated. If you ask a Capricorn to do something, you can be sure it is going to get done...
...literally.
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Aquarius is represented by water, which fits this sign's creative, "free flow" personality.
"That'll be $28.95, please."
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Pisces is an emotional yet generous sign. These selfless individuals will give until it hurts.
Or until they run out of room.
Aries: April 18 - May 13
Much like their symbol the ram, Aries are fearless creatures. They forge boldly ahead, letting no man, beast...
...or periwinkle border stand in their way.
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Taurus is a sign that never backs down. This stubborn bull will stand her ground through all of life's challenges.
"Look, the writing on the order form says 'Blinday.' END OF STORY."
Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Gemini is often of two minds, waiting to make a choice until the very last minute.
When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not.
Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Cancers are rooted in the past, home and hearth. You can trust a Cancer to feed you, mother you, clean you, feed you, love you...
...and feed you.
And then maybe eat you.
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Leos are very ambitious - shooting for the stars, taking on large projects, and sometimes getting in over their heads.
Or King Tut's, as the case may be.
Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
You can always count on the reliable Virgo to deliver steady, consistent results.
This is more of a virtue if they know how to spell.
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Libra has a clear sense of right and wrong, and is always a fair and impartial judge. However, Libra also craves communication and loves an opportunity to prove her intelligence.
Yes, thank you, Libra.
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Sharp-shooter Scorpio has no problem telling it like it is. Scorpio is honest, direct, and lays everything out in black and white.
Scorpio is usually free most Saturday nights.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
Nothing can slow down a carefree Sagittarius. Her spontaneity and drive keep things fun and interesting:
...and also covered in SPRINKLES!!! Wheeee!
Wreckiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Wreckiuchus likes to hide in plain sight, often going years before revealing himself to those closest to him.
Some skeptics say Wreckiuchus doesn't actually exist, but if you cross your eyes and stare really hard, we think you'll get the message.
The message being that you look pretty silly with your eyes crossed, of course.
Thanks to Kailee M., Sarah C., Maggie B., Jinglei, Aaron, Jordan F., Niloufer R., Anony M., Heather & Mikki, Katie O., Elizabeth, Stina, & Valerie M., who should all look before they leap, take advantage of sudden windfalls, and explore new opportunities today. And then maybe buy their favorite bloggers a snack. (We like Bugles.)
Fortunately, CNN has since assured the world that my not being a Taurus is total bull. Whew! However, just for fun, let's take a look at these "new" signs and how they might have changed our lives forever.
Or...not.
Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Capricorns are known to be obedient and dedicated. If you ask a Capricorn to do something, you can be sure it is going to get done...
...literally.Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Aquarius is represented by water, which fits this sign's creative, "free flow" personality.
"That'll be $28.95, please."Pisces is an emotional yet generous sign. These selfless individuals will give until it hurts.
Or until they run out of room.Aries: April 18 - May 13
Much like their symbol the ram, Aries are fearless creatures. They forge boldly ahead, letting no man, beast...
...or periwinkle border stand in their way.Taurus: May 13- June 21
Taurus is a sign that never backs down. This stubborn bull will stand her ground through all of life's challenges.
"Look, the writing on the order form says 'Blinday.' END OF STORY."Gemini is often of two minds, waiting to make a choice until the very last minute.
When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not.Cancers are rooted in the past, home and hearth. You can trust a Cancer to feed you, mother you, clean you, feed you, love you...
...and feed you.And then maybe eat you.
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Leos are very ambitious - shooting for the stars, taking on large projects, and sometimes getting in over their heads.
Or King Tut's, as the case may be.Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
You can always count on the reliable Virgo to deliver steady, consistent results.
This is more of a virtue if they know how to spell.Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Libra has a clear sense of right and wrong, and is always a fair and impartial judge. However, Libra also craves communication and loves an opportunity to prove her intelligence.
Yes, thank you, Libra.Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Sharp-shooter Scorpio has no problem telling it like it is. Scorpio is honest, direct, and lays everything out in black and white.
Scorpio is usually free most Saturday nights.Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
Nothing can slow down a carefree Sagittarius. Her spontaneity and drive keep things fun and interesting:
...and also covered in SPRINKLES!!! Wheeee!Wreckiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Wreckiuchus likes to hide in plain sight, often going years before revealing himself to those closest to him.
Some skeptics say Wreckiuchus doesn't actually exist, but if you cross your eyes and stare really hard, we think you'll get the message.The message being that you look pretty silly with your eyes crossed, of course.
Thanks to Kailee M., Sarah C., Maggie B., Jinglei, Aaron, Jordan F., Niloufer R., Anony M., Heather & Mikki, Katie O., Elizabeth, Stina, & Valerie M., who should all look before they leap, take advantage of sudden windfalls, and explore new opportunities today. And then maybe buy their favorite bloggers a snack. (We like Bugles.)
Categories:
Just Funny,
Literal LOLs,
Mithspellings,
Spaced Out
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