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Jen GraduRants

Posted by Unknown Thursday, May 13, 2010 0 comments

It's getting about that time again. You know the one, don't you?

Thaaat's right! The one where Wreckerators wrestle with the seemingly simple "Congratulations."

For some reason, various unholy alliances of the words "graduation" and "congratulations" keep popping up:

"Gratulation"

"Gradulation"

"Congraduations"

(Your soul dies a little more with each one of these, doesn't it?)

"Whatever this says."

"Happy Graduations"?!?

Oh. Wait. Actually, that's almost correct. I wonder if someone forgot the "L."

There's a theory floating around that some of these word mash-ups are intentional; a "cute" misspelling to save the decorator from writing out the overly long and excessively complicated "congratulations graduate."

To this I say: [rude noise].

Good grief, people, you're celebrating an educational achievement! This is not the time for "cutesy" misspellings! So just write out "Congrats" and be done with it! That's not so hard, is it?!?

Excuse me. [sound of head hitting desk repeatedly] This may be a while.

In the meantime, enjoy your cake with the bottle of urine/beer on it.
(Either way, someone's getting pissed.) (Because in Britain "pissed" = "drunk." See? I'm even funny in different languages.*)

Shelby, Angie M., Briana G., D.H., Pam G., & Anony M., Gradu...Congalu...Gradcon...Uh. Good job!

* Yes. We know.

A Few Of Jen's Favorite Things

Posted by Unknown Wednesday, May 12, 2010 0 comments

Loyal henchpersons, today is my birthday.

No, please - please, remain in your seats. I realize your whole-hearted devotion compels you to rise and applaud, whoop, cat-call, etc., but that's really not necessary.

Oh, alright, just for a few minutes, then. If you must.

[big grin]

Now, on to the presents!!! Who wants to go first?

?!? What's this? You didn't get me *anything*? Really? Hmph. Well, fine. I'll find my own presents. Yeah. I'll just make a little self-indulgent list of some of my favorite things, and since it's my birthday, and my blog, you can't stop me.

First, of course, my favorite favorite thing is John. There aren't many cake versions of John out there, but I did find one:

I should probably point out that John looks better than this. Much better.
Plus he has hands, so that makes him like the Chippendales version 3.001.

I also love my cats, Lily and Tonks.

They also look better than this.

For fun, I enjoy playing the odd video game.

Speaking of "odd":

Here, I'll help you out. It's supposed to look like this:

As a voracious reader who finds excuses to use words like "voracious," I know Harry Potter will always hold a special place on my bookshelves:

The most depressing HP design ever.

Let's not forget some of my favorite movies!

Duuude. Is this really a Ghostbusters cake? Because *I'm* "not ready to believe."

How do you segue from Ghostbusters to Star Wars? With this:

Slimer and Jabba's love child.

Someone's had their eye on this one for a while:

Get it? "Had their eye on?" Eh? Eh?
See, that's a little dark lord humor for ya.

And now some of my favorite shows:

Just seeing if you're paying attention.

And if you thought I was serious, then as Sheldon would say...

Heehee!

After yesterday's nurse tribute, it seems fitting to have a Doctor shout-out:

Although I'm pretty sure he's a bit older than 36.
Still, this Wreckerator gets an "A" for effort.
("Astoundingly apathetic.")

At this point you're probably wondering where the Disney cake is, since you know I love Disney. "Maybe she used them all up in that awful Mickey post," you're thinking.

Did I, though? Or did I just save the best, most wreckalicious and dreadfully hilarious Mickey cake of all for today? Hmm?

"O Mickey, you're so fine,

Your unibrow just blows my mind.
Hey Mickey!"

Patty J., Sarah R., Monique B., Erin M., Tiffany G., Meghann H., Nicole L., Melissa F., Natalie E., Nicole K., & Maisoon, thanks for sending in all my birthday cakes. You rock.

WAIT!!!

Before you go, I have one more *new* favorite thing to share. Something I've been wanting for a long time. Something I've been secretly working towards for months, hoping against all odds to have by my birthday. Something you just might be interested in:

A new blog.

Yes, really.

In fact, it's SO new the virtual paint is still wet, but if you enjoy my inane nattering here on CW, then odds are you might enjoy them over there, too.

Click here to check it out.

But don't expect any cake. ;)

The Bakers Wrecked 'Em

Posted by Unknown Tuesday, May 11, 2010 0 comments

Note to the squeamish: some of today's cakes are medically gross. I've seen much worse, but still...put the coffee down.

As the child of a former RN, I couldn't let National Nurses Week go by without showing the nurses of the world some love.

And by "love," I mean this:

Uh...
I don't really know what's going on here ("I'm an escalator, not a doctor!"), but it looks serious.

Nurses have to have pretty strong stomachs to do what they do, not to mention a healthy dose of humor. This combination, however, makes for some...shall we say..."interesting" cakes.

Oooh, gutsy.
(At first I typed "gusty." Bwahahahah!)

Now, while Canadian nurses apparently celebrate their degrees with stuff like this:

A giant...water bottle? And a decapitated bear. And bar codes. And...uh...what the heck, Canada?

American nurses prefer their cakes a bit more bottom heavy.

As a Trekker, I really must object to this. Once I finish sniggering.

And yes, it gets worse.

This was was found over on Emily's blog:

It's a thermometer, not a straw.

Oh, and sorry for putting "straw" in your head if it wasn't there already.

Yeah, hindsight being 20/20, that was a bum crack to make. A real wipe-out. A party-pooping crapshoot*. Sorry.

*or crap chute, if you want to get technical.

Seriously, though, nurses, what's with the butts?

FUNNY-BUT-TRUE-STORY: My hubby John is a 250-pound tough guy who faints at needles. Once in college he had to get a shot in the cheek. The southern cheek. Well, the moment he bent over the table was the moment he first discovered that - you guessed it - he faints from needles.

He regained consciousness on the floor, in the lap of the lovely lady nurse who had caught him, with his pants down.

He now tells this story to every nurse we meet.

Next time, maybe we should bring cupcakes to help smooth things over:

"You take the pink pill, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the bloody band aid, and dude, you are nuts."

Audrey A., Shannon S., Matthias, Emily A., Jenny C., Sila Y., & Corey F., that's one way to call dibs on the vanilla cupcakes.

Proud Mamas

Posted by Unknown Monday, May 10, 2010 0 comments

It was Mother's Day yesterday.

(I'll pause here to allow some of you to dash off to the phone and/or flower shop.)

Now, moms are usually the ones to teach us that it's the thought that counts. So what do you suppose these add up to?

Which is the greater crime: the misspelling, or that color combination? I mean, I can't say I've ever actually seen purple vomit, but I'm sure that's the right shade for it.

Ah, so close.

This flotsam manufacturer failed to realize that their backwards "s" looks a lot like an "a":

Arguably more accurate?

Anther (n): "the part of a stamen that contains the pollen"

Hm. I think I'll let you make the joke. ;)

Maybe if we stick to the simplest, shortest words possible:

*facepalm*

Fine. Can we go shorter than this?

Ah, there it is! Much better.

Although, John calls his mom "Mum." You know, not like this:

She'll feel special because it's this week's Special! And also because there's something that looks almost exactly as unlike a heart as humanly possible drawn on it.

Or, for you teenage girls out there, how about spelling out the thing you say most to Mom?

All it needs is an exclamation point and an eye roll.

(Yes, I know it's for a godmother. I just can't look at it without hearing the daughter on Modern Family. Heh.)

Holly W., Rory M., Anne M., Robyn O., Mercy G., Robyn E., Jared N., & Joanna C., you've made your moms proud today. (I think.) Great work.

Sunday Sweets: Happy Mother's Day!

Posted by Unknown Sunday, May 9, 2010 0 comments

Hi guys, Number 1 here!

I have fond memories of baking with my mother when I was growing up. Mom would make the most delicious homemade red velvet cake with the BEST butter cream icing every year for my birthday. (I still ask for it now, and I'll be 30 this year.) My mother is a Cake Wrecks reader. She forwards my (and Jen's) posts to her friends, and she is so super proud. So in honor of my remarkable mom - and the rest of you moms out there - I've scoured the web for cakes that remind me of her.

For the piles of stinky clothes you sorted and washed...

By Debbie Brown in her book 50 Easy Party Cakes

For the countless mittens knitted for my tiny hands...

By Pink Cake Box

(I know this is a birthday cake, but it's too cool and mom-ish to pass up. And I love the details! Fondant cat-eye glasses, sugar knitting needles, and rice-krispy treat yarn balls!!)

For all the torn hems you mended and homemade dresses...

By Zhanna Zubova

For the million messes I made that you cleaned up...

By cleanskies

(Those suckers are adorable!)

For all the loads of dishes...

Found on Lucky Ball Charms

(This cake is from a page in Jane Asher's Calendar of Cooking from 1995. It wouldn't be my choice to remind mom of the constant mess in the kitchen, but it's too hilarious not to include. "Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Say, the kitchen's pretty messy - would you mind?")

And finally, for your beauty and elegance...

By Creative Cupcakes

For all this and so much more, I just have to say thanks, Mom. I love you!

And for the rest of you moms out there: Happy Mother's Day! Here's hoping it's the sweetest one yet.

From John: Today's cakes are about Jen Dorsman's mom. And yup, they're a bit "Traditional." But that's who her mom is. If I had written this post, the cakes I would choose to represent my own mom would involve baseball and learning to fix things and becoming a gentleman. Because my mom had to be my dad as well. Just for today, let's look at the pretty cakes and remember that it's all about Moms and the many and varied roles they have played in our lives.

The University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt

Posted by Unknown Saturday, May 8, 2010 0 comments

Nothing to see here, non-University of Chicago people! This is a special post just for the UC scavenger hunt, so these are NOT the Wrecks you're looking for. Move along, move along.

What, you're still here? Ok, fine, here's some background info:

"The University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt was founded in 1986 by (yep, you guessed it) a bunch of nerds from the University of Chicago. Over time, it has grown to become what many consider to be the world's largest scavenger hunt, with items ranging from homemade nuclear reactors, to elephants, to the one you're about to see right here. A cabal of University of Chicago student judges write all Scav Hunt items and awards points to final submissions, keeping the list secret until the beginning of the Hunt, and teams race to beg, borrow, steal, and do as many of the 250+ items on each year's list over a four day timespan."

Well, this year I was honored to have Cake Wrecks included on the famous list! Here it is, clue #79:

"It’s Scav Inger Hunt's 23rd birthday, and 99.9% of mohawked baby carrot judges agree: I WANT SPRINKLES. Craft a thoughtfully artistic, yet still scavvly commemorative cake, and it better be purdy enough to be featured as a Cakewrecks Scavday Sweet. Under Neat That: submit your Wreck by Friday at 10 pm, and we’ll let Jen pick the one destined for internet fame."

And here are the submissions! [drum roll, please]

From the GASH Team, a "My Little Pony":

Or so they claim.

From Breckinridge House's team: a "thrillin' failure" (their words) of Michael Jackson:

(True story: When John & I first saw this he asked who it was supposed to be, and I guessed "Edward." I'm not sure who that insults more: Twi-hards or Team Breckinridge. So...sorry, everyone.)

From Sonia A.'s team, a "wooden labyrinth game":

In Sonia's words: "We tried."

Stop the press! Someone on the Snell-Hitchcock team actually has a working knowledge of fondant:

Not bad! Definitely the nicest cake you'll see here today, although I haven't a clue what all the stuff is. (Other than the sombrero. [Assuming it IS a sombrero])

The Federation of Independent Scav Teams claims this is a wreckplica of several items on the list:

Which frightens me. What else is ON this list, anyway? 0.o

From Macpierce's Master Chef Allison:

"Scab Hurt" Heh. Heh.

From the Burton-Judson Team (aka "Dr. Scodel's League of Atrocious Wonders"):

Christine tells me they were going for cute, "but I think something might have gone wrong."

From the Glass Panopticon:

Ah, classic Wreck elements. I like it.

And finally, the Max P Team used real honest-to-goodness carrot jockeys, in addition to "misspellings, left out numbers, poo swirls, ant sprinkles, a rainbow of various other sprinkles, and an umbrella, all to top off a CCC shaped like a furby":

Yep, I'd say we have a winner!

Best of luck to all the teams who participated.

(Naturally, any team that didn't submit a Wreck should be doomed to failure.)
Thanks for the fun!