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Signs of Trouble

Posted by Unknown Thursday, January 7, 2010 0 comments

Sometimes, bakery wreckage isn't just limited to the cakes.

But what is it good for?
(Hooh! Good gah, y'all!)

I'll leave it up to you guys to explain what a "cake derator" does.
(Best definitions gets posted below!)

Every time a surly employee "apologizes," I picture him/her doing finger quotes kinda like this.
(And yes, this was taken in a bakery - pinky swear!)

"Honey, my mom is coming to stay for a few months. Isn't that great? I told her you wouldn't mind. Anyway, be a dear and go get a cake for us all to celebrate with, mkay?"

"You got it, sweetums! I know just the place..."

(From the Engrish "brog.")

And speaking of things to celebrate:

Personally, I like to celebrate cake as often as possible - with more cake.

And finally, a few favs from the archives:

Perfect!

Also known as "Bubble and Squeak."

(That's for you English Wreckies. Please, no need to thank me.)

The lawyers insisted.

Update: I've since heard from the owner of that last bakery, who as I recall blamed the sign on an in-law. Heh. At any rate, I think the sign has now been removed. See? Another example of the power of Wreckage, used for good! :D

Many "thanks" to wreckporters Robb & Abby, Allison M., Matt K., Steph, Kristen F., & Bonbon.

- Related Wreckage: Label Makers

"Winning" derator definitions:

"an apparatus for aerating a derrière after consumption of cake. See also: enema"

- webdance

"It's clearly a promotional tie-in to the new Indiana Jones movie: Derators of Delost Cake!"

- Christina

"combination of a confectioner's pastry and the Latin word deratoria, meaning "the unspeakable", a professional bakery employee who designs, quality checks, or creates cakes that render the recipients speechless.

But, I think the true essence of the term "Cake Derator" is in the anagram it creates: "Karate Decor."

(I like to imagine "Karate Decor" as being a baby's bedroom decorated with ninjas.)"

- Taylor@MyOlderBrothers

And how about a visual definition, courtesy of Reese B.?

Perfect for those "mouse-filled" party cakes!

"Special" Deliveries

Posted by Unknown Wednesday, January 6, 2010 0 comments

I will love him/her and squeeze him/her and call him/her "Babs."

Good friends, the Hooks and Slices always hoped their little ones might one day grow up and fall in love. However, little James' love of the open sea and life-long distaste of children would eventually drive Sally to drinking and raising teacup poodles. (Although after the ASPCA stepped in, she was forced to stick to just raising them.)

Here's a tip: if your last name is Bignar, and you want your shower cake to read "Welcome Baby," proceed with caution.

Wow. It's not often one gets to witness the birth of an embarrassing nickname!

Do you suppose a kid named "Finally" could ever get addressed in a non-sarcastic manner?

I mean, think about it: "Finally! You're here!"

And ~~finally~~ lastly, my personal favorite:

Ah yes, Luca Joeseph Kiwi Mango - that's the name of kings, right there.

Tasty, fruity kings.

Anony M., Alisa K., Carrie B., Shane M., & Amy C., how many people do you suppose asked what flavor the cake was?

- Related Wreckage: The Name Game

Kids These Days

Posted by Unknown Tuesday, January 5, 2010 0 comments

I bet she doesn't look a day over seven, Michelle S.

- Related Wreckage: Gee, Thanks, "Kids"

UPDATE: No, she wasn't a leap year baby. They just forgot the zero. ;)

Curbing Their Enthusiasm

Posted by Unknown Monday, January 4, 2010 0 comments

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about these cakes seems to be a little, uh...

anticlimactic? [smirk]

Well, less than enthusiastic, anyway.

Then there are the smart alecs:

Oops!

At least you can always count on your co-workers to wish you well:

From what I hear, unless Jenn detonates Tabasco-soaked barbed explosives in her hoo-haw for a living, then odds are the delivery is gonna be a BIT more "pain full then" her job. But that's just what I hear. ;)

And we all have those friends who are especially supportive:

All things considered, though, this last cake is definitely the most inconceivable:

Yep, nothing says "Yours is a tragedy that might have been avoided" quite like a cake decorated with real birth control pills. For the women of Oregon! Onward!

Becca S., Lisa S., Ying K., Brittany C., Jenn M., Erin K., & Emily S., this thread on what childbirth feels like is probably the most effective (not to mention hilarious) contraception I've seen.

- Related Wreckage: Mixed Signals

NOTE: No, that last one wasn't really a baby shower cake - but wouldn't it've been funny if it was?

Spring Sweets

Posted by Unknown Sunday, January 3, 2010 0 comments

What's that? It's winter, you say? Meh. Seasons are a state of mind - and these bright colors and fun designs are sure to chase any winter blues away.

(Submitted by Giusi, made by Belgian baker De Koekjesfee)

(Made by Cakehelp and found on Cake Central)

I've had a lot of today's cakes in the ol' inspiration file forever, so I don't know all the baker info. Let me know if you recognize any of them, k?

(Made by Alexandra Waite, aka Cake Central member awsus)

(Made by Zara of The Cake Lab)

(Baker unknown)

(Sub'd by Kate, made by Belle Fete)

(Sub'd by Arianna, made by Sweet Melissa Patisserie)

Have a Sweet to nominate? Send it to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

- Similar Sweets: Tour De Force, Pt 3

Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

Posted by Unknown Saturday, January 2, 2010 0 comments

Hey all,

For the past 16 months or so, Jen has made it her goal in life to post here every single day. And for the most part, she's succeeded.

On vacation? The post goes up.
Christmas day? The post goes up.
Husband dying in the hospital? The post goes up.

The hardest part about this is that she has to be funny, or at least try to be, with every post. This is, well, starting to take its toll. ("No, really, Sweetie, that tic is barely noticeable.") Cake Wrecks was built on funny, but when daily deadlines take precedence, the funny can suffer - and that's not good for anyone.

So starting today, we're gonna be cutting back on Saturday posts, since it's our slowest day. We'll still do our best to post every other day of the week, but if we do miss one from time to time, just know it's in the best interests of Jen's sanity, the quality of the posts, and Cake Wrecks as a whole.

Thanks for understanding, guys. Here's to much, much more facial-tic-free Wreckage and laughter.

Wreck On!

john (the hubby of Jen)

The Elephant In The Room

Posted by Unknown Friday, January 1, 2010 0 comments

Did you know that "seeing pink elephants" is a euphemism for drunken hallucinations?

By that logic, I guess seeing dead pink elephants is a euphemism for "the hangover to end all hangovers."

Anyone else think those were open graves at first? (Or the first 10 times you looked at it?)

Of course, there are degrees of hangovers, as anyone who's woken up next to a minstrel monkey in Prague can attest. Here I've compiled a handy reference guide to help you decipher what might have happened last night.

If you see this:

Then you may have had one too may shots of "worm-in" tequila.

If you see this:

Then I'd blame the lethal combination of purple people eaters and pork rinds while watching Pinocchio. (Seriously, this is not a good idea.)

If you see this:

Then you must know my friend Chris! Yeah. Next time, skip the green stuff.

And finally, if you see this:

Then I'm afraid what happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas. Mazel Tov!

Well, happy New Year, Wreckies! Or failing that, at least have some "Nappy New Yeas"

Yea, yea!

Jessica, Georgia F., Emily H., Candace & Travis, Victoria, James E., & Yvonne W., here's to a sweetly "wreck-less" new year.

- Related Wreckage: Wasted Cakes