professional cakes - cakes wrecks

Today, class, we're going to review the art of cake inscriptions, as well as some problem-solving techniques that will come in handy while on the job. Now remember: the hand-written message is the crowning jewel of every cake, and should showcase not only your skill, but also how much you care.

Take this one, for example:

Lovely, Dana K., lovely. There's no question that Ben felt special upon seeing this. Oh, and class, see how she filled in that awkward blank area with a mass of ribbon? That's called "thinking on your feet." There's no sense in wasting edible decor when you can simply reuse gift wrap you have on hand.

Andy B., pop quiz: What do you do when you run out of icing mid-inscription? Do you make more, or simply switch colors and hope no ones notices?

Haha, that's correct! Remember, class: Many children are colorblind. And the ones that aren't are generally too buzzed on sugar and caffeine to notice petty things like spacing, spelling, or sperm-like balloons.

Now, Erin S., say you have a small cake that someone wants you to write a message on, but you've also been wanting to try out the new 'blob' flower technique you saw on Careless Cakes. Which gets priority: the message, or the blobs?

Also correct! You see, class, this is why it's important to fill the entire cake with your design; so the message you write on top of it is uniformly difficult to read. As an added bonus, it's much harder for the client to spot any misspellings this way.

And lastly, Bethany T. is going to show us two things every baker should make more use of: plastic picks and abbreviations.

Wow, Bethany; I think that "BS" stands for "Beautifully Scripted!" I like how the color almost matches the birthday pick, too, but is off just enough to clash spectacularly - that took a lot of talent, I know.

[bell ringing] Well, that's all we have time for today, class. Remember to practice those blobs for next week's "Plop-a-Flower" review!

Wrecks reader Mark B. decided to propose to his girlfriend while they were on a Caribbean cruise last August. Like all good guys, he wanted to do it in a way that was both memorable and a little unique. So, after much thought, he decided to use a cake. (Told you he was a good guy.) With that settled, all that was left to do was choose the perfect words to form his request.

Well, the night before he planned to propose arrived, and Mark still hadn't decided on an inscription. As he and his girlfriend went for a walk on the beach, though, they came across the very inspiration he'd been looking for. There, written in the sand, illuminated by moonlight, was the word "dork".

Ok, so that might not seem like the most romantic of inspirations to you or me, but for Mark it was "a sign". He tells me his girlfriend was always calling him a dork at the time (with much affection, I'm sure), and so standing there that night, he knew exactly what his proposal cake should say.

Now, let's set the scene:

The meal is over, the dessert orders have been given, and Mark is sitting on pins and needles, awaiting the arrival of his proposal cake. The waiter approaches and, with a smile at Mark, places a covered tray before his unsuspecting girlfriend. Then, with a flick of the wrist, the waiter removes the lid to reveal....

this.



Huh.



Well, on the bright side, Mark, this IS quite memorable. In an incomprehensible, what-exactly-did-the-baker-think-s/he-was-writing? kind of way. Still, here's hoping your lovely lady had "many" reasons to agree to "marry" the dork in question. ;)

It's Memorial Day, and as every red-blooded American knows, there is only one nationally accepted way to demonstrate your sense of patriotic pride in the men and women who have sacrificed for this country. One which involves fire, hunks of raw meat, and at least one guy in a "kiss the chef" apron cursing out the blippity bleepin' starter switch on the filth flarnin' grill.

That's right: It's barbecue time, baby.


Is this creative? Sure. Appetizing? Not so much. It looks like a giant half-cooked hamburger with steak and shish kabab'ed Elmo fingers on it. [shudder] Great, now I gave myself the willies.

Speaking of shish kababs, here's the "cheater-cheater-plastic-eater" version:


[shaking head] Til the end of time, Wreckerators will be trying - and failing - to make circles out of cupcakes. What's the definition of insanity again?

And here's one with the oh-so-authentic chalky briquette look:

Ah, there's nothing like leprous-looking cupcakes to get the ol' saliva glands going!

Some bakeries are breaking down the two main components of the grilling experience. See, while this next one may look like a penned-in bunch of baboon butts, you can tell by the "GRILLIN'" sticker that it's actually a grill:


Huh. Thank goodness for stickers, is all I can say.

Oh, and here's the raw, malformed lump that goes on it! Yum!


Now there's some bloody good fun, eh, guv'na? Jolly good, pip pip, and all that. (Hey, I've read Wodehouse, Ok? I'm practically an expert on British terminology. Really.)

Shannon S., Amy J., Joanna C., & Nichole H., I'm suddenly inspired to find a doll on a grill, just so I can write the caption "Barbie on the barbie". Unless one of you knows a girl named Barbie? You could even turn the grill off, if you like.


UPDATE: Ask, and ye shall receive:

Hi, all. John here with your weekly dose of Sunday Sweets. This week, we'll be looking at the design staple of bakeries everywhere: the topsy-turvy.

Observe:
This one's from Design Me a Cake, and is one of Jen's all-time favorites.

I remember going to the ICES convention at Disney and drooling over the topsy-turvy pans. Sadly, they were like a thousand bucks* so we ended us getting the super-ultra-mini-version for like half a thousand bucks.** It's kind of hard to ice a top tier that's only two inches across, though, so we haven't had much success with it.

Check out this funky example:


Topsy Turvies are most impressive when it looks like the cake is juuuust about to fall:


And then there are the ones that really do seem to break the laws of physics:

This "Moulin Rouge meets Tim Burton" beauty is by Gabrielle of Cake Coquette, and is "nearly" fondant-free, too. (According to Rachel R., only the swags and swirls were made from fondant - which means that is some shiiiiny buttercream.)

I wanted to show you the nifty cake Bronwen Weber did on that Food Network Challenge last month, but this was the best photo I could find:

That sidepiece was the only thing supporting the cakes. Crazy.

Just goes to show: If the folks at your party have the uncontrollable urge to run forward to try to save the cake, then you have done your job well.

And finally, for you Dr. Seuss fans...

So. Cool.

Jen thinks this was the winner - or at least one of the winners - of a Dr. Seuss themed contest over on Cake Central. It was made by The People's Cake.

Thanks to, ah, Jen for finding most of these beauties. You're a real trooper.

* I'm probably exaggerating here.
** and here.

It's always fun seeing what you guys come up with for new shirt designs, and since Zazzle is running a huge sale this weekend I figured I better post these new ones pronto.

First, check out the poo-surfin' hot dog Gwen B. of The Brown Brush art studio designed:
As with all the truly bizarre, sure-to-confuse-everyone-but-fellow-Wreckies designs, I love it.

Here it is on a shirt:

And it's also available on an apron.

For those of you who enjoyed the Dilbert-inspired Wreck from last week, Becki of WhimzyGirlz designed this little number:

Which also looks good in brown for the guys.

Through Sunday Zazzle is offering 25% off all aprons, and 10% off all t-shirts. That's the best discount I've ever seen them offer for aprons, so if you've been thinking about getting one, now's the time. Here are all the apron designs I currently have for Wrecks, but if there's a design you'd like me to add just let me know.

And as always, send your CW shirt designs to comments [at] cake wrecks [dot] com! If I post it, I'll give you a shout-out and link to your site both on Zazzle and here on Wrecks.

Hope you're all enjoying your holiday weekend! Wreck on!

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Plenty of adults have it these days, and this vintage photo from Jessica E. may explain why:


Rachel W. and I agree that the baker responsible for splitting this cake must be a sufferer:


Plus, Melanie K. learned that bakeries today are still carrying on the proud tradition of traumatizing the kiddies: